SWOS - DELAYED AGAIN

I can't believe this piss poor performance by Codemasters and Microsoft how fucking hard is it to upload this frickin' game. Looking at a January release I reckon now, what a joke. I'm so angry, Geometry Wars is infuriating and Halo 3, for me, is unsatisfying. So back to GOW where today I got chucked from a game for using the chainsaw what is this world coming to!

Free Next-Gen Console that doesn't break down :-)

"AOL Broadband now offering a free Sony PlayStation 3

The free laptop offer from AOL Broadband launched in September 2007 is continuing and has been expanded. The latest offer is a free Sony PlayStation 3, for those signing up to AOL Broadband Wireless Plus.

Of course, something like a PS3 for free does come with some conditions. The service has a 24 month contract and requires you to sign up to an AOL Talk call plan (the Pay As You Go Plan is included in the £19.99 bundle). For those not in an area that AOL has unbundled the monthly fee increases by £10.

One possible source for confusion is the wording "Yours to keep forever * Provided you are provisioned with AOL Broadband". This refers to the 24 month contract period, and means so long as you keep your broadband with AOL Broadband, you get to keep the PS3 after the 24 months."

Clicky

That's not a bad deal at all to be fair. Basically means you get the PS3 completely free for staying on AOL for 2 years, or free broadband for 2 years for buying a PS3.

In other news, Assassin's Creed is like being married to a bimbo- no discerning intelligence or mental stimulation between you for hours on end, and then just as you're having second thoughts about the arrangement, she fucks your brains out like no-one has ever done before, and all is right with the world. Repetitive gameplay? Yes. Simple narrative? Yes (barring the massive twist, but that happens right at the beginning). Do I keep coming back for more? Oh hell yes. It's not without it's (major) flaws, but it's just sooooooooo good at what it does. The visuals are the most stunning next-gen graphics I've yet seen (including CoD4), the thrill of gently pushing through a crowd to assassinate someone, then escaping over the rooftops and blending into the crowd just never dies. I give it 8 Stabbings out of 10.

Video Game Anagrams

Big LOLs to somethingawful.com, who have succesfully created the FUNNIEST anagrams of games I've ever seen. Actually, they're probably the ONLY ones I've seen, but props go to them for recreating the artwork for each one.

Look out for Rape Stress and Steve Irwin: The Camel Fucker.

Look with your eyes, here.

Hot Producer - Jade Raymond

This is THE producer of Assassin's Creed.


Here's another pic


and another


here's the Creative Director but fuck that


heres another

The Offical Plush Companion Cube

More crazy cube news, today...

Coming soon to the Valve online store is this frankly AMAZING plush Companion Cube and also, arguably better, a pair of Cubes for your car mirror. Brilliant, just brilliant. I'll be putting in an order as soon as they're for sale.

If this doesn't mean a lot to you, stop messing about on the Internet and go and play Portal.

WhatchCUBE Talkin' 'Bout, Willis?

Gary Coleman recently sold his Nintendo Gamecube via eBay. Times must be hard, because Gamecubes are worth about ten pence these days. Although he DID sign everything. For your money, you would've got Sonic Gems Collection, Sonic Adventure 2 Battle, Super Smash Bros. Melee, Robots, Mario Kart, and Mortal Kombat Deception. Plus the silver Gamecube. All signed! They went for $510. Bargain.

Did you hear that he hit a lady once?

Apologies For Lack Of Posts

A little explanation for the lack of posts! Sorry, we've been very slack over here at UDLR towers, recently. I don't have a 360 right now, although it HAS made it to the service centre, so thanks UPS. While waiting for it's return, so I can play The Orange Box again, I've been playing the SUBLIME Shadow Of The Colossus on the Playstation 2. If you haven't played it yet, stop reading this and go and buy it. You MUST already have a PS2. I think everyone does.

In quick, summary type news, this is what's exciting...

• Super Mario Galaxy is out in Japan, and has rave reviews from everyone.
• Gray Fox from Metal Gear Solid is to feature in Smash Bros Brawl, alongside Snake.
• From the 23rd to the 26th November, Xbox Live Gold will be FREE in Europe.
• Firmware 2.00 has been released for the Playstation 3, which enables remote Start. This means you can turn on your PS3 using your PSP, from any wifi spot, and control it, including downloading content. You can then turn it off again afterwards. Hooray!
• A sequel to Lost Planet is pretty much confirmed for the Xbox 360, titled Lost Planet Colonies. This is GOOD news.

We're updating LOTS soon, including moving to a cleaner, better webpage. ALL CHANGE. We're going Wordpress.

:-)

Wii Jacket Impressions

I got my four complimentary Wii Jackets through the post today!

If you don't know, Nintendo are sending out the Wii Jackets, free of charge, to Wii owners in order to protect themselves from the DANGERS of the Wiimote. Obviously trying to avoid legal bills and court cases, Nintendo have shit themselves at all the reports of damaged children and broken televisions and have reacted with this.

First of all, props to the big N for them being free. I wouldn't have paid foir them anyway, but it's always nice to get a freebie.

There's not THAT much to be said, really. The wiimote fits snugly inside of the jacket, and doesn't seem to be hampered by it at all. All the functions are easily accessible, apart from the input socket on the bottom, which is covered by a cheeky flap. The remote IS much softer with the jacket on. It takes on the feel of a top-end sex toy. Whether that's a good or bad thing is entirely up to you. I personally WON'T be using mine, unless a child plays with my console. Which is unlikely. Still, they're free, innit?

:-)

Smash Bros Brawl Stage Builder

Brilliant!

Nintendo have revealed the brand new Smash Bros Brawl Stage Builder, via the Smash Bros Dojo.

This will surely be fantastic. You can even upload your levels to Connect24, via Wifi. Whether you'll need bloody friend codes to get levels from friends is unsure, as of yet, but HOPEFULLY it'll be as easy as popping them in a message.

WELL DONE NINTENDO! Are they actually learning to embrace technology? I'm super glad that Smash Bros has been delayed, now. It's gonna be ace!

Katamari-san is mental

The Gamecity Festival finishes tonight in Nottingham, UK (in fact as I type this, Team UDLR should be romping home in the Official Gamecity Pub Quiz). It's been a really enjoyable experience having a video game festival on your doorstep, with some standout moments, the biggest of which was the Keynote speech by Kata Takahashi, creator of the awesome Katamari Damacy games.

After a long delay it finally started with an intro by... some... woman who liked Katamari (I didn't catch if she was part of Bandai, Namco, or just ran a fansite of some such) who showed some entertaining fan pics, including that of some mental who ran the San Francisco Marathon dressed as Prince and pushing a giant Katamari! Then Takahashi came on stage. He came over as a really nice guy, he had to speak through an interpreter which kinda slowed the flow of the talk, but he was a cool guy to listen to. He explained where a lot of his ideas came from, a lot of his pet hates about games and the world (especially the people who live in the flat underneath his who are noisy, so he's growing his plants over his balcony to cover their windows), and he finished the talk with an early-stage playable demo of his new game Nobi Nobi BOY (nobi is japanese for stretchy apparently, insert joke here---->). The game is absolutely bizarre. He gave a controller to a guy near me so I got to see the controls at work. Basically your 'BOY' is controlled with your two nipple buttons, one controls each half of his body. And you can stretch your body to round up animals and travel about, and you can eat the animals and... well that's about it really! It's not even on Namco's official launch spread yet, it's basically a premise he's created and he hasn't actually worked out what the goal of the game is, he just likes the idea of stretching a character to do stuff. Thankfully someone recorded the demo footage and put it on the web, so you can see for yourself here

Give The Gift Of Gaming On Wii, This Year

President Iwata of Nintendo has unveiled plans to offer a service on the Wii that allows gamers to send games to friends over the Wii Connect24 network. The service will automatically open up the Wii Shop, when the recipient accepts, and start downloading the game to their console.

I think this is a GREAT idea. Sure, you could buy somebody a Wii Points card, but who's to say they'll buy anything GOOD? I can now educate my family members and friends on games they might have missed without the worry that they'll spend the points on something ironic and shit, like Altered Beast.

Hooray!

If anyone feels generous, I'd like Sin and Punishment, Super Metroid and Breath of Fire 2, please.

Three Years On, Half Life 2 Impressions

This is an interesting one. Until the release of The Orange Box, I'd never played Half Life 2. I'd never even watched somebody else play it. I'd played the original Half Life (who hasn't?), along with Blue Shift and Counter Strike (I'm a bit of an addict). But, for various reasons, I missed Half Life 2. When the game was released, my home PC could barely run Quake 2, never mind this beast. And I didn't like the idea of the cut-down Xbox version. I decided to wait.

Coming up to the release of The Orange Box, I decided I'd post my impressions of the game as a new user. The game has been out since 2004 and is pretty much considered one of the best FPS games of all time. But things change fast in the world of games. I played Far Cry about a year ago for the first time, and it's showing it's age. The AI was painful, and the whole experience was ruined by the technical limitations. I kinda thought this might happen again, but vowed to try anyway.

I was wrong.

I haven't finished it yet. I haven't played Episode One or Two, but I've pretty much finished Portal. But Half Life 2 is INCREDIBLE. I imagine that I'm a rare breed of gamer and that everyone else who reads this HAS played through this game, probably years ago. But if you missed it, don't worry. It's not great because of nostalgia or because of it's place in history. It's brilliant because everything works and it feels as relevant today as it did on release. At no point have I yet remembered that I'm NOT playing a brand new game. It feels fresh and exciting and I'm hooked. I've even borrowed a 360 to play it while my bricked console gets repaired.

The atmosphere created in the game is absolutely incredible. It's so hard to describe games that really make you feel something, but this game does. I totally felt like I was in an Orwell novel right from the start, and the stifling presence of the police is something that's lodged itself in my mind already. I'll never forget playing this game. I just wish I'd played it three years ago.

Seriously, if you haven't had a taste of it yet, you need this game in your life. If you consider yourself a gamer, even slightly, you have to play this. I feel a twat for not getting it sooner. But, in fairness, The Orange Box is probably the best way you can experience it, even if you have finished it before. Get it.

The Orange Box is available on Xbox 360 and PC now. The Playstation 3 version has been, predictably, delayed until sometime next month.

Oh fuck.

My Xbox 360
02/12/05 - 24/10/07

I guess it had fairly good innings. *sniff*

Eternal Sonata Impressions

Before starting my impressions of Eternal Sonata, I'd just like to point out that I wish they'd stuck with the original Japanese title, Trusty Bell: Chopin's Dream. That's all.

ANYWAY, Eternal Sonata is OUT NOW on the Xbox 360 so maybe you've already played it but I've only just got the chance to have a go. It's out sometime in 2008 on the PS3, too, so owners of that console will get a chance too.

Ok, Eternal Sonata is a pretty conventional JRPG. If you've played Final Fantasy or the like, you know what's going on. That's a criticism I'm getting out of the way now. If you're bored of the formula or don't get along with turn-based battles, you probably better give it a miss. JRPGs aren't know for their originality and these is DEFINITELY role playing by numbers. A bit disappointing, that.

Coming from the people who made Baten Kaitos, Eternal Sonata has an AMAZING look. Seriously, it's worth tracking this game down just to look at it. If you're HD, that is. The cell-shaded look is stunning in high definition and it's won the game awards for it's artistic direction. They're well deserved.

The battles ARE turn-based, but they also allow freedom to run about to avoid enemies and hit them with a variety of attacks. The twist is, you've got just a few seconds to do what you need to do before the next character gets their turn. It actually works really well and treads a fairly nice middle ground between turn-based and real-time fights.

But yeah, it's the same old same old. I really, really want to rave about how amazing it is, but in all honesty, I can't. It's nothing new but what it does, it does really well. I could sit and watch it all day, though. I'm gonna pick it up cheap secondhand and just watch somebody else play it. Seriously.



In conclusion? Pretty.

Pictochat Stage On Smash Bros Is Better Than ACTUAL Pictochat

I remember when I first got my Nintendo DS. I asked my Mum to bring me it back from New York while she was on holiday, thus enabling me to own the sexy handheld MONTHS before most other European folks. And I DISTINCTLY remember being hella excited about Pictochat. I don't know why. Seriously, though. Maybe I though the range would be HUGE or something, and I'd be able to chat to friends in other houses and stuff. But that's what phones and MSN are for, I guess.

But anyway, Pictochat is shit. Completely useless. I've NEVER used it properly, because if someone is close enough to Pictochat, they're more than likely close enough to chat to at a reasonable volume.

BUT ANYWAY, the point of this is that Nintendo have revealed the Pictochat stage in Smash Bros Brawl. HOW COOL? Very. Although it'll probably be a bit rubbish (like the Game & Watch stage in Smash Bros Melee) it's a novel idea, and one I can't wait to try! Hooray!

Okami IS Coming To The Wii

Following on from my previous post about the RUMOURS of Okami for the Wii, it's now been pretty much confirmed by everyone.

This is FANTASTIC. Okami was criminally ignored by most, probably due to it's late release on the Playstation 2. It'll supposedly have full motion controls and the like. It better be widescreen and 480p, too, or it can fuck right off.

On the flipside, it seems like my Wii is only good for ports of old games until Mario Galaxy comes out. That's a bit depressing, no?

Brutal Legend

While still unconfirmed by himself (due to an exclusive deal with game informer magazine), Tim Schafer and double fine's new game "brutal legend" seems to be in full promo force.

A couple of weeks ago, select gaming websites and magazines received an unmarked red 7" along with a turntable for those without one. It was discovered that the song on the vinyl was a pretty cheesy metal song but if you listened carefully you'd identify the fact that it was in fact Jack Black singing (confirmed as the voice of the main character) and that there was more than meets the ears.

In true metal fashion there was a backwards message containing something along the lines of "brutal legend:coming soon", which confirmed that it was a promo device for the new double fine game. If anyone wants to listen to the song, it can be found here via kotaku.

A week or so the above trailer leaked onto the net coupled with these scans from the issue of game informer which details the game quite thoroughly.

To be honest just the teaser stuff has me wetting my pants whilst waiting for the game.
If it's anything like Schafer's past line up (day of the tentacle, grim fandango, psychonauts et al) then it will be nothing short of genius.

*Edit* It's all confirmed now official sites here and here.

Gamecity In Nottingham!

At the end of October, Gamecity will be coming to Nottingham. It's basically a load of game related demos, talks, films, etc going on all over the city, and if you've got ANY interest in the medium of THE GAME, you should try and make it down for some of it.

Hop over to the official site to check out the programme! Here's some which look particularly ace...

• LEGO STARWARS : THE COMPLETE SAGA, 26th Oct. 12pm

A talk about the upcoming game with Jonathan Smith, who worked on the game. Maybe some Wiimote lightsabre action, too? I'LL BE THERE.

• FREEPLAY LOUNGE, 25th Oct. 7pm

"Merging the classic draw of free beer and pizza with state-of-the-art Xbox 360 gaming on HD projection screens, contests for prizes including Halo 3, appearances by girl gamers the Frag Dolls and face-offs against top Rare developers, it's set to be a memorable social gaming experience for all present."

Ace.

• EUPHORIA : PHYSICS OF THE FORCE, 26th Oct. 2pm

A talk about the groundbreaking new Euphoria engine, that's powering the physics in upcoming games Star Wars The Force Unleashed and the latest Indiana Jones title.

• TAKAHASHI NEXT, 27th Oct. 1pm

A chat with the BRILLIANT creator of Katamari Damacy. NOT TO BE MISSED.

There's loads more, including THE MAN WHO CREATED TETRIS, but you can see them all on the official site. GO.

Assassins Creed Vid

Some of you may have seen this elsewhere but if not then here's a massive 8 minute video of gameplay footage from Assassins Creed. I have to say, this has excited me. I remember how much I loved Prince Of Persia: Sands Of Time, and now I am really looking forward to that kind of gameplay in a much more open environment. The movements look fluid and it seems like it offers lots of possibilities for really cinematic kills and the ensuing chases and escapes.

I feel a pre-order coming on.

Timesplitters 4 Coming To The Wii?

Alongside the confirmation of the existence of a new Timesplitters game, comes a quote from famous Goldeneye boy, David Doak, stating that Free Radical would like to do a Wii version of the game.

"I think it's a good thing to do, and I think we want to put it on the Wii. And I'm sure it's possible to do a control scheme that works. Also, if you want to start a petition for remaking Second Sight on the Wii, I'd like to see that as well, because I think that game worked really well, [laughs] because of the manipulation stuff."

It's not written in concrete or anything, but it WOULD be lovely. The Wii certainly needs stronger third-party support for 'real' games (ie, not quizzes, mind games and PS2 ports) and Timesplitters 4 would be a fantastic move.

And with Timesplitters well-known parodies (see the Gears of War monkey logo...) maybe they could squeeze out a decent Wiimote lightsabre minigame before LucasArts do...?

*drool*

I'm Really Suprised No One Has Beaten Me To This Yet....

But Sonic is confirmed for Super Smash Bros. Brawl on the Wii!

I guess it was kind of inevitable after the whole Mario vs Sonic at the Olympics stuff.

Official confirmation along with a pretty video can be found here.

In other news the Japanese release has been pushed back to January, most likely meaning we'll see it around summer time if it's anything like the Nintendo of late.

And If You Really Must Still Play Tetris...

Do it here where it's free for gods sake!

Free Tetris

Just re-enforcing Matt's point here.

Xbox Live Arcade Wednesday, 3-10-07

If you buy Tetris, you're a twat. That's about it really. Tetris came free with Gameboys in 1989 and EVERYONE had it. So if you choose to pay for it EIGHTEEN YEARS after that, you need shooting. I don't care if this one has a fucking screensaver aquarium or is in HD. They also tried to make you buy Tetris on the 360 as a full game, a while back. DID YOU BUY IT? I hope not.

To make this sound slightly like a real review, here's some constructive criticism. Everyone's played Tetris to death, so knows exactly how it FEELS. Tetris Splash feels wrong. When the blocks land, they take too long to 'stick'. That may sound fucking stupid if you've never played Tetris, but if you've never played Tetris, you're a cunt.

Poor.

Tetris Splash is available now on the Xbox 360 Live Marketplace priced 800 Microsoft points (about £6.00).

Do You Like Shitting Your Pants?

Master Chief shitting himself after playing Bioshock

Ok, I'm not going to review Halo 3. Everyone already has, who cares? Needless to say, it's amazing.

Last night my good chum Jamie came over and we played Xbox 360 all night. Jamie is in the world of PS2 still and so has missed out on some of the amazing new stuff that's been coming out over the last few months. Also, myself, Jamie and Steve (from my band) have spent plenty of studio hours on Pro Evo 6 and I wanted him to play the PES2008 demo.

So, we played nuff demos (Stranglehold, PES2008, Lost Planet, Skate, etc, etc) and then got stuck into a couple of full games. Namely, two of this years biggest releases - Bioshock and Halo3. We played for a few hours on both and I have to say they are two of the best, most involving games I think I've ever played (along with Gears Of War).

My conundrum for the day comes from playing these two games.

Playing Bioshock I was scared. I was scared, on edge and to be honest, uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, it's an experience that I 'enjoyed' but in the same way I enjoy watching a really dark film.
A friend of mine has been complaining lately that most of the new games coming out are really too grim for him and I can kind of see his point. Playing Halo3 afterwards was such an antidote! It's lighthearted, it's fun and it doesn't feel like hard work (although we aren't playing on legendary yet).
I'm torn. Should gaming be an entirely lighthearted experience like it used to be (back when the graphics limited the fear)? Or should we be pushing the experience like we do with films depicting graphic, stomach turning violence?

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Anyone else had the same thing with any other games (Condemned anyone?)?

One thing I do know, I'm asking myself these questions and I'm damned if I want games to be censored. My point is that I'm thinking about these choices for myself, if I don't want to play a game, I won't. Give me back my damned Manhunt 2!

40GB Playstation 3 For Europe But Can Fuck Off

Sony are bringing another Playstation 3 model to our little PAL shores and gamers with little money will be a bit happier.

The 40GB version of the PS3 will launch on October 10th, priced at £299. That's EXACTLY the same price point as the Xbox 360 Elite, fact fans.

HOWEVER, the new model features no backwards compatibility at all. WHAT?! Seeing as the BC on the 80GB model is software emulation, this is hugely confusing. When I read the price, I decided to buy one. When I read THAT I changed my mind again.
After Christmas comes the 20GB model that doesn't feature a console.

The Princess Bride Videogame... Inconceivable!

Worldwide Biggies (who!?) will be developing a game based on possibly the best film ever, The Princess Bride.

True Love and High Adventure -- The Official Princess Bride Game will be arriving next spring. However, no plans are being made for a physical release, opting instead for a digital download. While I'd normally celebrate modern technology and downloadable games, this just stinks of shit. It IS going to be crap, mark my words.

Still, I can't bloody wait.

Why The Orange Box Will Not Be Coming To Mac OS X

With The Orange Box launching very, very soon on PC, Xbox 360 and PS3, Valve co-founder Gabe Newell has revealed why we will NOT be seeing any of the Half-Life iterations on lovely Mac OS X anytime soon.

"...we have this pattern with Apple, where we meet with them, people there go "wow, gaming is incredibly important, we should do something with gaming". And then we'll say, "OK, here are three things you could do to make that better", and then they say OK, and then we never see them again."

Despite EA's current support for the Apple operating system, it seems that Valve are running into some problems when it comes to porting their games across. It' a shame really.

IGN Prooves That Halo DS WAS Real

IGN has sensationally proven the reality of Halo DS with a realtime gameplay footage video from their Nintendo expert, Matt Casamassina. Halo DS has been famously rumoured for a long time and this proof finally lays rest to the speculation. It looks AWESOME, but will unfortunately never see release as it was apparently scrapped.

The Beta copy shows a multiplayer game on the Zanzibar level (named Last Resort in Halo 3) and shows the games similarity with it's Xbox counterpart, even with the inclusion of the Warthog.

The video does not say who was developing the game, possibly suggesting that Bungie weren't behind the Beta copy seen in the demonstration.

Damn shame, that.

Gaming Podcasts with Edgar, Chuck and Guy

I bloody like gaming podcasts, these are the three I listen to but I'm sure I'm missing some good'uns

1. Nerd Blurb - Best. Presented by Edgar Furse and Steve Dupuy, brilliant.
2. Game On - with Shawn Sines and Chuck Nelson. Chuck's an ex Marine (he sure likes to tell you he's an ex Marine...cun...)
3. GamesSpot UK - with Guy and some girl co-presenting...I bet she's got a disgusting face...
Wouldn't mind a decent UK one other than GamesSpot any suggestions?

Grand Theft Anime: San Andreas

Forget Manhunt 2 and Postal, THIS is possibly the most disturbing thing I've ever seen in videogames. A PC mod for GTA San Andreas unlocks anime characters from Lucky Star, Pokemon and Doraemon in cell-shaded style to run over, shoot and... whatever else you can do in GTA. It doesn't sound too bad in writing, but watch the video and cringe at the happy anime music and overly cheerful Japanese dialogue.

Argh.

Chintendo Vii Sets Its Sights On China

Sure, China is well known for it's ludicrous games piracy, but this just takes the biscuit. The Chintendo Vii looks BRILLIANT. I can't read Chinese, but I can see a game called MOTO SEA that apparently has an inflatable jet ski for promotion. I guess it's all NES roms, but I can't be sure.

Oh, here's another picture, because it's so amazing.

Far Cry Movie Screenshots

IGN has lots of new screenshots from the upcoming Far Cry movie. STOP MAKING RUBBISH MOVIES OF GAMES. It'll undoubtedly be shit.

Here are my top five games I want films of...

• NiGHTS into Dreams (Pixar could do some magic with this)
  
• Excite Truck (it'd be Duel with turbo boosts)
• Crackdown (Demolition Man meets Spiderman)
• The Ninja (it'd only be ten minutes long, because he'd just die on the first level)
• Goldeneye (wouldn't it make a great film?)

Halo 3 NOT Natively HD

Oh dear, we thought we'd left this behind with Project Gotham 3...

Bungie have confirmed that, as some bloggers have pointed out, Halo 3 does NOT run natively at 720p. If we consider HD to be anything 720p and above, then it IS true that Halo 3, the most important Xbox 360 game so far, is not HD. Bugger.

Here's the quote, direct from Bungie's sexy mouth...

"Halo 3 uses not one, but two frame buffers - both of which render at 1152x640 pixels. The reason we chose this slightly unorthodox resolution and this very complex use of two buffers is simple enough to see - lighting. We wanted to preserve as much dynamic range as possible - so we use one for the high dynamic range and one for the low dynamic range values. Both are combined to create the finished on screen image."

So there you have it. Can't say I've noticed any loss of detail on my HD screen, but it's rubbish to think that the Xbox's flagship game isn't actually high-definition, despite Microsoft promising EVERY 360 game to be at least 720p. As I mentioned above, we've seen this before with Project Gotham 3, that also upscaled to preserve frame-rate. The difference is, PGR3 is jaggy hell, whereas Halo 3 is liquid sex.

Naughty Bungie.

Sin and Punishment FINALLY Gets UK Release But Can Fuck Off

Legendary N64 on-rails shooter, Sin and Punishment is FINALLY making it's way to PAL territories with it's release on the Virtual Console this week. Made by Treasure in 2000, the game was originally only made available in Japan. This is good news for Wii fans!

What ISN'T good news, is that Nintendo have bumped up the price to 1200 Wii points (between £8.50 and £12.00 depending on how much you pay for your Wii Points card) thus raping my wallet. This price is unheard of so far on the Virtual Console and is, to be fair, shit.

Argh.

Oh yeah, a reminder, too. Mario Bros. The Lost Levels is still available on the PAL Virtual Console until October 1st, when it'll be gone forever! This also never had a PAL release, so is pretty special. Again, it's over-priced, coming in at 100 points more than every other NES release, though, so I probably wouldn't bother.

YES Masterchief LOLcats

In response to my previous post about the Halo Legendary Edition helmets NOT fitting children/cats/me, I found this picture.

I think he's just holding it in front of the cat, merely creating the ILLUSION of a Catchief, but it's still hella great.

Go forth and LOLcat, minions.

Sega Rally Demo Now On PSN

I know it's kinda old news and the game's actually in the shops to buy now, but the demo for Sega Rally went up on PSN today for your PS3 rally needs.

It's fucking awesome. Get.

Clive Barker's Jericho Demo Impressions

Clive Barker's Jericho is a FPS. There's another FPS that's just been released on the Xbox 360 and it's the best game of the year, probably the best game on the Xbox 360 and possibly the best FPS ever made. So games like this are a bit unnecessary now. HOWEVER, if you're still looking for a new shooter to play, particularly a scary one, then Jericho MIGHT be what you're looking for.

If you haven't got The Darkness, stop reading this and go and buy it. If you've finished The Darkness and want more gruesome, horror shooting, you should know that Jericho plays very similarly to that game. It has a really similar feel and the title screen is exactly the same.

Apart from 'the feel', Jericho isn't as good as The Darkness. To be fair, not a lot is, but Jericho is so similar yet falls so far behind in a lot of ways.

But first, the positives, of course. It has a really cool QTE bit that requires you to hit buttons that flash up on screen to trigger certain events. If you miss them, you die. It's been done so many times before (see Dragon's Lair, Shen Mue, Resident Evil 4, etc...) but it's still refreshing when done properly. Jericho sees a BRILLIANT example of QTE at the end of the demo and it got my heart racing a little bit.

The game also looks really nice and creepy. There's a lot of detail in the environments and the lighting is gorgeous.

HOWEVER. The enemies are all the same, and boring. The level is really linear, with no option for exploration off the beaten track. And it's yet another FPS in the year of shooters. Give me a fucking PLATFORM game or something, please.

I'm Off To Buy Halo 3

See you in about four years when the next one comes out. Until then, I'll be on Xbox Live.

An Open Letter To Girls

Men will definitely be made 'very excitable' if you wear these!

Avid readers may notice I have made use of bloggers 'Large Image Upload' feature for the first time on this post.

I don't give a shit if it makes the sidebar go far away either!

I might get a pair of boxers made with a 'red ring of death' version, for when I wish to pretend I am null.

You can all go and buy them HERE and automatically become a 'definitely would'

PES2008 - First Demo Impressions

Ok, I've now spent a bit of time on the new Pro Evolution Soccer 2008 demo on XBLA and I've drawn my initial conclusions.

Fixes of things that were shit in PES6:

• Lobbing the goalie has now been demoted from it's previous position of 'Most Difficult Thing'
• Taking a 'quick free kick' isn't completely pointless as in PES6 the screen would still fade down and everyone would have recovered their woeful positions and be ready to immediately steal the ball off you. Play doesn't actually stop now and you can still catch your opponent unaware and lay your GOAL POWER upon them
• More kit options to avoid the PES6 effect where your best option would sometimes be both teams playing in exactly the same kit. Except one of you would have a stripe or different coloured socks
• Nicer graphics and menus and eye candy that isn't very important. Although I should point out that I can't see a huge difference between PES6 and PES2008. Maybe it's because I have only got a standard def telly, what with me not being a tsar or being able to print money
• At least my telly is massive though
  
• Goalies don't seem to be butter fingered twats quite so often

Things that worry/annoy me so far:

• Players still look 'a bit burns victim'
• The frame rate on the demo is AWFUL and there is quite a bit of glitching here and there. I can only assume this won't be the case in the final release but seriously, there was loading time aplenty when I was playing
• Wayne Rooney doesn't have any new weapons and has not been given 'plasmids'
• It doesn't seem to be very different from PES6, most of the character animations and celebration routines seem to be the same. The gameplay is slightly more fluid and fast paced but it's nowhere near the difference between PES6 and PES5
• There's no commentary on the demo which is really annoying because if there's one thing I need it's new phrases to get used to such as "He must be wondering what he has to do to beat this goalkeeper today" (The answer in PES6 was usually 'just wait' as he'll probably trip over his own defender soon)

Now it may seem like I'm a little underwhelmed. That's because I am. But that is also because the way I've played this demo is not how I play and love PES.

The thing that makes me love PES is getting all (both) of your mates over and playing for 5 hours solid because neither of you can let the game you just lost be the last. It's needing one last match. It's saving replays of goals scored from the halfway line after rebounding in off the keepers arse.

It's one of the most social games ever, and I know I'll be buying it. I know it probably isn't going to be a huge revelation or even a massive leap from the last version but I'll be happy just getting a slightly new twist on an old favourite. New players, new teams (Derby?) and a facelift is pretty much all I needed from PES2008, as long as they don't mess with the formula then I'll be happy.

I may not bang on about it the way I did over PES6, but I'll almost certainly play it as much.

Which is all that matters right?

IN OTHER NEWS: Matt has put up all our gamer cards on the right there. My gamerscore is pitiful and I feel the need to point out that I've only just renewed my Xbox Gold Membership and that I've only just bought a 360. I also need to change that stupid pirate twat for my picture.

No Masterchief LOLcats

When the Halo 3 Legendary Edition was announced, with the Masterchief helmet included, I dreamt of wearing it. How cool would that be? But we then heard that it was too small for that, but perhaps child-sized. I then imagined a future where LOLcats would be Halo-themed. Where YouTube would be filled with videos of freaky Halo children and Masterchief cats.

But it's not to be.

IGN has reported that, although the helmet is a PERFECT size for felines, it's not hollow, rendering it's clothing possibilities impossible.

Bugger. Still, I guess the game will be alright.

Rainy Woods

Now this is a game I am excited about!
I've always been a single player gamer, mainly because I like to get involved heavily with the story based element of the game. I think the last time a game got me so involved was Psychonauts or Bioshock.
There's nothing I enjoy more than getting to the point where you don't want to go to bed for fear that you may be missing out on what happens next, even if you know nothing will have changed between going bed and next picking up the game.

It's being heralded as a mix of Twin Peaks and Silent Hill which to me is a dream come true as the first two silent hill games are two of my favourite games ever, possibly due to the fact that adventure games are my favourite genre and survival horror games seem to borrow elements from these quite heavily.

The main thing that attracts me to this game is that it appears to be such an original story (you watch, I'll be eating my hat when it transpires that it's based on a guy passing through a town on his way somewhere else and he gets mystically trapped there). What more could you want? It has midgets, religious sacrifice and a guy in a wheel chair wearing a gas mask!
If you cast your minds back to the aborted genius that was Fahrenheit you'd understand, it showed not only a very original story but also an original way of playing the game (whatever choice you made during the game would affect how the next part played out, a bit like a more glamorous dragon's lair). The only thing that let it down was the disaster that was the last quarter of the game where it became more like the 4th part in the Matrix trilogy.

Anyway as far as I know, no release date has been set yet but I'm a patient person (I'm still waiting for Monkey Island 5!) and I'm sure Assassins Creed will tide me over until then.

*EDIT* I've changed my mind. This actually is Twin peaks!

Is This The Top10 2D Shooters Of All Time?

Screwattack

I ask because I STRONGLY DISAGREE. 2D shoot-em-ups are my all-time favourite type of game. I have spent far too much money and far too much time playing them. Screwattack's top10s are always great to watch online. They're fun, nostalgic, and just damn good entertainment. But this one is SO wrong that I just had to pick up on it and see if I'm the only one that feels this way! This is their's:



*****SPOILERS***** Watch the link if you want them slowly revealed to you.









01- UN Squadron
02- Ikaruga
03- Gradius
04- Super R-Type
05- Galaga
06- Axelay
07- Asteroids
08- 1943
09- Raptor
10- Xevious

Now THIS is mine:

01- R-Type Final
02- Axelay
03- Xenon II- Megablast
04- Parodius
05- Space Invaders
06- Pop N'Twinbee
07- Defender
08- Zero Wing
09- Raptor
10- Ikaruga


C'mon, they didn't even have Space Invaders in there, the daddy! OR Xenon II! But R-Type is clearly the best shooter of all time. It's just absolutely perfect in every way. I had UN Squadron, and it was damn good, but the best ever? Nah. Thoughts?

(by the way, I left out 2D platform shooters as they appeared to as well, otherwise Zombies Ate My Neighbours would be No.1)

Wii Woes

I sometimes feel like I write too many negative things about Nintendo these days... Since I got my first NES console I've LOVED Nintendo and their games. Duck Hunt, Mario Bros, Zelda, Punch Out, Mega Man and loads of other much-loved NES games introduced me to console gaming at a time when I was getting sick of waiting a half hour for my Commodore VIC-20 to load my tapes. The Super Nintendo is my favourite ever games console. I bought the N64 and Gamecube within a week of their release. I fucking IMPORTED a DS from America because I couldn't wait for the PAL release. I queued for THIRTEEN hours to get a Wii at midnight on release. See? I like Nintendo!

Certainly, the Wii has a fantastic line-up of releases before the end of the year. Metroid Prime 3, Super Mario Galaxy, Guitar Hero 3, LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga (with fucking lightsabre action), NiGHTS Journey of Dreams, Manhunt 2 and a few more all look great. Not to mention the new Zelda release on the DS. Nintendo seem to have all their important IPs covered for the holiday season.

But what about after that? Nobody seems to be questioning what happens when we've all got Mario Galaxy and finished Metroid Prime 3. What should we be looking forward to then? There's Mario Kart Wii, I suppose. And Super Smash Bros. But neither of these games grab me like they should. Neither of them support the innovative Wii remote in a way that will re-invent them and revolutionise the series. In fact, it seems to me that these games will do the opposite and just make people wish they had a normal controller and had more than four buttons to use on them. That's certainly the way I felt while playing Twilight Princess... From all the hype and pre-release images and videos, I only see Mario Kart Wii and Super Smash Bros Brawl as souped-up Gamecube games. They may have online-play, but Nintendo's online service is famously flaky.

Of course, the Xbox will have a similar problem after the launch of Halo 3. It's all people have wanted since launch and I do worry what will happen when there's not that on the horizon. But Microsoft have such strong third party support, as do Sony, and seem to have a never-ending supply of new releases. Something that the Wii certainly misses out on.

But until then, it's going to be a fucking good end to the year. :-D

What's With All The Quiz Shit?

Argh!

Who the fuck is buying all the quiz games? Not content with raping the DVD market with awful DVD Quizzes, developers are now setting their evil eyes on the videogames market and it's fucking embarrassing.

We've already had Buzz! and it's EIGHT sequels. EIGHT. Now we've got Scene-It and, worst of all, Cheggers Party Quiz for the Playstation 2, PC and Nintendo Wii (pictured). Here's the press release...

"Guaranteed to have something for everyone - much like its devilishly dishy host - Cheggers’ Party Quiz is jam-packed with thousands of entertainment questions, all brought into your front room by the eternally ebullient host, Keith Chegwin.

Challenging quiz and party game fans to Party with Cheggers this Christmas, Cheggers’ Party Quiz is the most wonderfully wacky party quiz to hit consoles yet."

Oh, fuck off.

Dog Eats Wii Remote

From Gamepro.com, comes this amazing story of a hungry dog and a broken Wii remote...

A family took their Dog to the vet worried after finding it coughing up blood. After X-Rays, a rectangular-shaped mass was discovered inside the dog. It was a remote, but not just any remote! I wonder if the dog kept turning on the console by mistake?

"The Vet started massaging the dogs belly and it just came flying out of the dog," said owner Marie Becknell. "I knew what it was right away by the color and shape of it -- it was my son's video game remote. The dog had swallowed the boy's Nintendo Wii controller."

So, a happy ending. Bizarre, but happy.

Unreal Tournament 3 / 2007 Whatever You Want To Call It

I've always loved Unreal, it's released on PC and PS3 in November and THANKFULLY it's not out on the XBOX 360 until sometime in 2008. What other console would you be glad of a delayed release date of one of your favourite games?

Here's my reasoning...

1. Halo 3 (see you in town Tuesday night)
2. Bioshock (waiting for a secondhand one on the cheap)
3. Gears of War (yep, still playing alongside a bunch of pricks over Live)
4. skate. (one of the best demos on Marketplace will not be a let down)
5. The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (I'm too scared to even begin this monster)

plus Guitar Hero II, SWOS (whenever the shitty thing gets released), Sonic 2, currently finishing off Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter, still dicking about on Rainbow Six Vegas and never finished off Lost Planet.

so...I'm glad it's delayed I've got a few more months to really get into these games without dropping them all for Unreal.

I haven't mentioned GTA4 because i don't like GTA. Yep, that's right. I fucking hate it.

Sony Make (Dual) Shock Announcement! *Updated*

Or not of course as we all (well, UKR mainly) predicted it. Sony have finally given what many current PS3 owners may see as a big 'F**K YOU!' to the early adopters and informed everyone that they were very wrong when they said that 'rumble is a last-generation feature'.

"No, I can't see any room to stick a Rampant Rabbit in it either"

In fact, Me and Matt were playing the new and entirely excellent Sega Rally demo the other day on xbox and were talking about the track deformation and the feedback as you tear up the track on the third lap, bumping all over the shop. How could you play this game without that? Likewise, any FPS where you get enemies creeping up behind you and shooting you would be confusing/frustrating as hell.

Now, an open letter, Steve Jobs style...

Mainly of course directed at our very own Bronson, but please feel free to join in the comments section and let us know what you think.

Q: How do you feel about the recent PS3 Dual Shock 3 being announced? Are you glad they finally realised it was shit without rumble? Angry cos you'll have to buy a new controller? Do you find you've not needed rumble whilst playing your PS3?

And in the 'other 'last generation' features I miss - Those memory cards on the Dreamcast that had the little screen on them! How cool were they?

*UPDATE*

Interestingly, it seems that many current release will have rumble support added through downloadable patches. The full list can be seen over at IGN and it's good to see titles like Motorstorm and Resistance: Fall of Man featured on the list. This is a GOOD move from Sony. Expecting your customers to buy a new controller so soon into your consoles life is a still a BAD move, however. Tut tut...

And where's Sega Rally? :-p

Gran Turismo 5 Prologue Pricing Favours PSN

A pricing guide for Polyphony's forthcoming Gran Turismo 5 Prologue was shown in the press pack at this years Tokyo Games Show. Interestingly, fans can download the title from the PS3's PSN service at a reduced rate, compared to the Blu-Ray version. GT5 Prologue is a taster of the much anticipated Gran Turismo 5, and should have racing fans trembling with excitement.

It's certainly positive that companies like Polyphony Digital are supporting Digital Downloads by offering reduced pricing structures. Hopefully, more publishers will follow this example as game downloads become more and more common. With Tomb Raider Anniversary coming exclusively via the Xbox Live Marketplace later in the year, in episodes, the future DOES look bright for online game services. Good work, Polyphony!

Greatest Game Franchise Ever™: Latest Trailer

SNAAAAAAAAAAKE!

This just gets better. Not only have they got a cyborg ninja, not only have they got gratuitous next-gen cleavage shots, not only has it got hot mech on mech action, and not only has it got fart gags.... IT'S GOT A HAIRLESS MONKEY!!!!!!!!

If you're new to Metal Gear or didn't play MGS2 then a lot of the dialogue won't make sense, just sit back and enjoy the pretty pictures and silly action, but if you did... HOLY SHIT!!!! IT's ____'S BABY!

White Hair, Trenchcoats, And Techno-Metal Are Cool- Fact

Clicky

Devil May Cry 4 on the PS3 and Xbox 360 looks absolutely amazing, I mean god-damn awesome. If this game was a woman, I would gut-punch a hole in the middle of the woman and then fuck the hole. A new hole just for me. What's that red stuff coming out of her?....